My Fingers are Wrinkling

It has been pouring buckets for something like 4 days now. Boomer Lake has probably risen 2 ft. I feel like my fingers are going to start pruning every time I walk out of my house. But it is just a general sort of sogginess. The kind where everyone stays off the grass because they'll start sinking into the mud. And you start considering how best to holster an umbrella by your hip. For Naomi, however, it's personal. She walks out of her apartment and it starts raining. She gets in the car and it stops. She gets to the store and it starts again before she gets out of the car. And so on. There have also been a lot of tornadoes and one lightning bolt struck so close to our house that when I heard the clap of thunder I thought something had run into our house. Like the house shook that much. I am grateful for the rain of course seeing as how we've been suffering through a drought. But really, could we maybe space this out a little?

Looking into the crystal ball...

Well, presidential campaigns are really going. Hilary, Obama, Guiliani, and McCain are all over the news. Great, so I should consider their positions and who to vote for. Wait. What's that you say? We don't even vote in the primary for almost another year?!? Why do candidates do this to us and to themselves? I have a prediction to make. Hilary, Obama, Guiliani, and McCain will all lose in the primaries. By the time the primaries comes around, we will be so sick of them that we will vote for someone else just to get them off the TV. So who else is there to vote for? I mean no one seems to be talking about anyone else. But primaries are a bit like Baskin-Robbin's 31 flavors. There are colorful posters about the cotton candy and Ghostbusters flavors for the kids. But or those of us who want some flavor instead of a flashy look and a name, there are still a bunch of choices. So I am making some predictions. I am hoping for a 60% accuracy rate.

On the Republican side here are candidates and predictions:
- Brownback: Says something incredibly stupid on tape sometime before the first ballot is cast and quits before Oklahoma's primary.
- Gingrich: Are you kidding? No way. He admitted (10 years late) to having affairs during his first marriage and while publicly crucifying Bill Clinton. Oh and there were ethics charges following his resignation from the House.
- Fred Thompson: Charismatic and conservative. Most likely to win primary.
- Mitt Romney: Charismatic and conservative and Mormon. The best Republican candidate, but still. Almost likely to win primary.
- Chuck Hagel: Makes a respectable, but ultimately inadequate, showing in the primaries.

And on the Democratic side:
- Dodd: Loses early and badly.
- Edwards: Almost likely to win primary.
- Richardson: Most likely to win primary (this is probably wishful thinking, since I think he is the best candidate).
- Al Gore: Despite speculation, he doesn't even run.
- Wesley Clark: hmmm...this is a tough one. I think he plays like Chuck Hagel.

Just Eat the Donut!

It is an old math joke that a topologist can't tell the difference between her coffee cup and her donut, because they are both tori (solid 3-D shapes with a hole). I made the mistake yesterday of offering a donut to a topologist. She thanked me by offering a lecture on how you can cut a torus a certain way to get a larger, albeit skinnier, torus. Seriously. I'm not making this up. Someday I will learn not to give topologists an opening. But I went looking around for fun with tori and found some torus based games for kids (and immature adults).

Logarithms

We had our Complex Analysis exam this morning. There were only 5 questions and 2 dealt with a logarithm. So after I spent 20 minutes writing down everything I knew on the exam, I had the rest of the exam to contemplate the logarithm. Now a logarithm is a tricky thing. In junior high you learn about it and it seems strange but innocuous, like a polky-dotted duck or something. It acts like a function and quacks like a function so who cares if it's a little wierd, right? Well, as it turns out, the logarithm is hiding some serious identity crises. In the complex plane it isn't just a function, it's simultaneously a whole bunch of functions anywhere but none of them everywhere. What's worse, this isn't some random identity crises that we can just ignore by relegating the logarithm so red-headed stepchild status among functions. A lot of important functions that look perfectly nice from far away have logarithm-type issues. Like all these functions are actually crazy but only the logarithm is honest about it.

Not so much an impression as a gaping hole...

Our Complex Analysis professor told us that even though the class is only 75 minutes long, he wanted to give us as much time as possible for the exam. Which we usually need since he writes unreasonably long exams. So he said we wouldn't have to leave until Naomi (another student who teaches a class right after Complex) had to leave. So I figure we can probably squeeze 10 extra minutes in. Worried about whether this would be enough, Naomi emailed the professor to ask if we should move the exam time to the evening to avoid running short on time.

He responded by insisting that he had always intended to give us only 75 minutes and any 'impressions' to the contrary were unintended. Impressions? No, I don't think so. They weren't impressions. He actually said this stuff.

iPod, iRack, and iRan

MadTV did a very funny piece of political and corporate satire that is available here on YouTube. I wouldn't bother reading the sophomoric and occasionally vulgar user comments. Just watch the video.

Quotes of the Day

My professors presented me with two good quotes today:

"It's a little like killing a fish with an Uzi." - Dr. Asgari speaking about a more general proof for a rather specific problem.

"So how do we use this in the real world?" - Dr. Horja speaking about the uses of some bit of Algebraic Geometry which no reasonable person would think has any relationship at all to the real world. In fact, he meant, "How do we use this to solve problems in Algebraic Geometry in particular or math in general?"

[Of course I really do think that Algebraic Geometry has a relationship with the real world. I just haven't found it yet.]

Resident Expert

There aren't very many Americans in my department so I not infrequently find myself to be the only native English speaker in a room of maybe a dozen people. When a question of English grammar arises, I become the instant expert. Unfortunately, I am only fluent in American-English-as-spoken-by-Nina. This means I have a slightly larger vocabulary than anyone else in the room, but I don't actually know the grammar rules any better. I just know what "sounds right". So when everyone looks over at me for an answer I sputter something like, "Sounds alright to me..." and then slouch down in my chair. Such are the pitfalls of being the only whatever in a large group. As a member of your class (married, parent, ethnic group, particular skill, military, etc.), you are supposed to be a completely representative sample. Like asking a Chinese person "So, what's China like?" and expecting a well-researched, comprehensive, and accessible response that represents all of China's large population, when you could go look at a travel guide.

Resident Expert

There aren't very many Americans in my department so I not infrequently find myself to be the only native English speaker in a room of maybe a dozen people. When a question of English grammar arises, I become the instant expert. Unfortunately, I am only fluent in American-English-as-spoken-by-Nina. This means I have a slightly larger vocabulary than anyone else in the room, but I don't actually know the grammar rules any better. I just know what "sounds right". So when everyone looks over at me for an answer I sputter something like, "Sounds alright to me..." and then slouch down in my chair. Such are the pitfalls of being the only whatever in a large group. As a member of your class (married, parent, ethnic group, particular skill, etc.), you are supposed to be a completely representative sample. Like asking a Chinese person "So, what's China like?" and expecting a well-researched, comprehensive, and accessible response that represents all of China's large population, when you could go look at a travel guide.

Connecting

My bus driver has a radio she uses to talk to people all over the world. Her latest contact was in Laos. By talk I don't mean conversations. More like they find each other, get a little information, and then they are done. This struck me as an enjoyable hobby. But why? Why would I want to talk to someone I don't know and will never meet for no reason at all? I don't even call up my high school friends. Something about finding people halfway across the world doing the same thing you are, just to say hi, sounds like fun just the same. Not fun enough to actually bother doing though.

Talking Smack

A friend came over for dinner tonight and we played Wii. He brought his remote so we could all play at once. We hit each other with fists, bullets, machetes, and spiked balls on chains. We pushed each other off waterfalls and generally tried to defeat each other in the most absolute and humiliating terms possible. There is something so very satisfying about mutilating someone else's avatar. In fact, after Scott's avatar was dead, Chris jumped right on top of it and shot it up some more. It just wasted ammo, but it was fun anyway. Of course, with all of the mutilating going around, came the smack talking. We were all the best and everyone else was winning by luck or whatever. I have found talking smack to be an integral part of games. Without it, the games just aren't as fun. Winning isn't as fun if you weren't cocky about it the whole time and losing isn't as fun if you haven't built yourself up for a great fall. It's essential.

Spring is in the Air....

...and the chickens are thrilled! They have never been big fans of snow and ice. The nectarine trees (above) are flowering and once the plum trees look like they are covered with popcorn I will post a photo of them as well.

House-Hunting and Background Checks, Mormon-style

A week ago I called my bishop and told him I was heading to Richland. He gave me the name and number of the Richland Stake President (i.e. man in charge). I told the Stake President what I wanted: private room and bath, furniture, WiFi, laundry, and meals. He called my bishop to make sure I wasn't a lunatic. Then, two days later, I had a place to live for the summer. I love my church leadership. They take care of me.

Ah, to be 18 and stupid(er) again

Last night, a young man I go to church with was describing the rules of adolescent boys playing ping-pong. There are four or so boys that play. When a boy loses a match, he stands with his back to the group and every other boy throws a ping-pong ball, as hard as possible, against the loser's back. This boy even had a picture on his cell phone of the welts on his back after one loss. Everyone else in the room considered this hazing, but the boy insisted it was alright because he is "18 and knows what he is doing."

More Procrastination

We have an exam in Chinese today. This exam has been scheduled since the first week of the semester. So, of course, yesterday a few students agitated to have the exam postponed until Monday. Because, despite not using the last five weeks to prepare for the exam, they will definitely use this weekend to prepare. A vote was held and the exam wasn't postponed, but only because not everyone was present and so those voting to move the date didn't get a majority of the entire class. Then the same annoying undergrad I complained about a few days ago, who suggested moving the exam to begin with, summed his feelings us as "You guys suck!"

Complex Analysis is Like Magic Tricks?

I have asserted, and provided some evidence to show, that topologists are like gypsies. Of course, they aren't the only wierd mathematicians. A professor in my department, Ullrich, has written a complex analysis book. Note to non-math people: complex analysis is sort of like calculus only with imaginary numbers like √-1 to deal with. My favorite line so far: "There's a fascinating intuitively plausible hand-waving solution to the [problem] in section 6 of this chapter, with many missing details. Actually with no details at all, not even definitions." So should I now claim that complex analysts are like hand-waving magicians? Or was this an aberration?

My friend Barbara has written down quite of lot of random and unexpected quotes by various professors. (She even wrote down a quote from me once. Does that make me a famous orator now?) Perhaps she can shed some light on whether Ullrich's line represents an overall pattern or is an isolated occurrence. Based on how I feel during complex analysis lectures twice a week, I am inclined to believe the former.

Procrastination

I have a tendency to put things off until it is too late to do them. For example, I mentioned a cute new haircut and Jill asked me to post a picture. I was going to, but I procrastinated and now the haircut isn't so new and is getting to where it needs another trim. So now I can't post a picture. So here I am, only a few days later, posting the specs to my new machine like Anil asked. Yes, people, she can be taught.

My Machine
Processor: Athlon 64 X2 3800+ 2.0 GHz
Graphics: GeForce 6150 LE (128MB dedicated + 256MB from system RAM)
Memory: 1GB PC2-4200
Hard drive: 250 GB SATA 7200 rpm
CD drive: 16X DVD(+/-)R/RW RAM (+/-)R DL LightScribe drive
Wireless: 802.11 b/g
Sound/Audio: Integrated High Definition audio: Realtek ALC 888 chipset, Supports up to 8 audio channels, Dolby Pro Logic II compatible
Network: Integrated 10/100 Base-T networking interface
Memory card reader: Compact Flash I, Compact Flash II, SmartMedia, Memory Stick, Memory Stick Pro, MultiMediaCard, Secure Digital (SD), Micro Drive, xD Picture Card (xD = extreme digital)

My Extras
My baby also got me a 20" flat panel and a wireless keyboard and mouse for a much cleaner workspace. The keyboard is laptop style with less travel for the keys and was designed for Vista so it come with nifty buttons for playing music and opening specific programs or folders. My email button opens gmail, my photo button opens Adobe, my music button opens Rhapsody, etc. There is also a backward and forward button that works for just about anything that can go backward and forward.

Undergrads

I hang out with people I like pretty much all day, every day. There are very few grad students and professors I don't like and I don't see them often since they tend to be on the applied side of math rather than pure. So I am awfully spoiled by the time I go to Chinese class at 3:30 each day and spend an entire hour with some rather silly undergrads. Most of them are okay, a few are cool, and the rest are just awful. One boy talks to much, is really annoying, and thinks we are buddies or something. At least he always waits for me or runs to catch up so we can walk together after class. Sometimes I try going a longer way to avoid him, but then I am annoyed with him for making me go the long way, so I might as well just be annoyed with him for what he says.

Today, however, marked a new low. He started complaining about his math instructor, another grad student, to me. Once I got over my shock that he was complaining to me about people in my department, I heard what he was actually saying and almost started laughing at him. Instead I lectured him on how he was just an undergrad and his opinion of how math ought to be taught wasn't particularly relevant. My favorite quote: "I guess he does theoretical stuff cuz he doesn't know how to do real math. He doesn't even know how to use a calculator."

Getting Spoiled

Today I was minding my own business when a group of international men got onto an elevator in the engineering building in front of me! I know they were there first, but I was waiting and they were all men and they got on in front of me anyway. I was totally insulted. Then I wondered how I got so spoiled as to be insulted at having to wait my turn to get on an elevator. I thought about it as a took the elevator back down with an American man who motioned for me to get on and off the elevator first, even though he was closer to the door. I thought about it as I walked to the math building and then took an elevator with two more American men who also motioned for me to get on and off first, even though they were in line first. And I just couldn't figure out how I got so spoiled!

Feeling Intimidated

You may have noticed a few references this semester to my Algebraic Geometry class. That's because it is always hard, usually incomprehensible, and sometimes humiliating. Adding to my general misery is the indisputable fact that I know a whole lot less than anyone else in that class about algebra. When a homework problem requires some fact from general algebra, I have to go beg someone to walk me through. But I don't always know it requires such a fact unless someone tells me. So I am afraid that everything has some meaning I am missing that is completely obvious to everyone else. I don't even like to discuss homework problems because eventually everyone will figure out that I have no idea what is going on.

So imagine how I felt last Friday when, during a study session with the professor, I opened my big mouth while we were discussing problem #1 to say I thought I had a solution and Toshi asked me to present it on the board because he wasn't sure how to do it. Here was a perfect opportunity to get up and make an idiot of myself. I tried avoidance. I got up and mumbled a bit and tried to sit back down without really saying anything. It didn't work. People started asking questions like "What did you do?" and I was stuck explaining myself clearly. When I finished my, as it turned out, perfect solution, I asked if I could crawl under the table now. So I still managed to convey that I am an idiot while preserving the opportunity to mess up a solution in some spectacularly obvious way later. Brilliant.

p.s. Lest all this give you the wrong impression, I really do like Algebraic Geometry. It's a sick sort of happiness.

I Have Topics! Thanks Boone!

Try as I might, yesterday I couldn't think of anything witty, interesting, or entertaining to write about. Then today, like manna from heaven, came blog topics.

The first is OSU's new fundraising program, the brainchild of T. Boone Pickens. You can read about it here, but basically OSU's athletic program took out life insurance policies on its oldest (literally) fans. It will cost $20 million in premiums and will pay, assuming everyone dies, $250 million for a grand total of $230 million. I'm not familiar with all the ins and outs of the insurance industry, which is maybe why this idea sounds like it came by email from some orphaned heiress in Nigeria. But assuming it does actually work out this way, I guess it's a brilliant idea. At least on paper. The part that strikes me as weird is the part where someone said "Hey Joe, we'd like to get a life insurance policy on you because you look like you're about to kick the bucket and we need money. D'you mind peeing into this cup?" And what new etiquette does this introduce? For example, is it appropriate for the football coach to ask an insured fan how he's been feeling lately or does that sound greedy? Should insured fans get higher cholesterol catering menus in the skybox? Maybe ranch-dipped chicken wings aren't enough. Are they permitted to use crosswalks on game day or do they have to run for it? But perhaps that biggest question is, do I have any rich old friends and will they pee in a cup for me?